


What Is Pingas?

by Dragon_MoonX



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
Genre: Gen, Masturbation, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24640516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_MoonX/pseuds/Dragon_MoonX
Summary: Five doctorates, an extraordinary intellect, and yet the doctor is still prone to making mistakes. Especially when that genius mind is clouded with far too many naughty thoughts and hormones.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	What Is Pingas?

The music had been playing at full volume for forty-five minutes, the base drums echoing in the distance. It was one thing when Dr. Robotnik had started playing  _Where Evil Grows_ , but when he started blasting his own rendition of  _What Is Love_ , that was when the government soldiers had had enough.

They quickly vacated the premises, fleeing from the pounding beats that shook the earth. This left agent Stone, standing there with his mouth hanging open, the military vehicles positively quivering from the sheer force of the rhythmic chants.

What on earth were those lyrics? It was a question he pondered as he foolishly took a step forward, his eyes never leaving the doctor's private research facility. It sounded as though Robotnik were singing, "What is pingas?" But no, that didn't make any sense.

Another step forward. Stone paused, the meaning of those bizarre lyrics sinking slowly into his feeble mind. Then all at once he realized that the doctor was singing. Actually singing.

Something must be wrong. Maybe the milk had spoiled in his latte. Maybe the doctor was ill.

He sprinted forward, ignoring the warning bells going off inside his head, and yanked open the door.

There sat Dr. Robotnik, his features illuminated by the glow of his computer. The flashing, multicolored strobe lights that accompanied his previous melody had been replaced by a warm crimson light, dimmed for the purposes of creating a romantic mood.

A small mechanical device was situated to his right, its gears whirring, creating a low hum not unlike that of a computer monitor. It was a soothing sound, helping to ease his tension as the robotic arm attached to his latest contraption massassged his shoulder.

There was a half second pause, stretching for more than an eternity in their minds, when suddenly the doctor shouted, "Do you mind?" He motioned towards the robotic arm, its fingers tenderly caressing his tense muscles. "We are trying to have a moment of intimacy!"

Stone flinched, cringing at the volume of the doctor's voice, and took a step back.

"My sincere apologies, sir." He was already headed for the door, tripping over his own feet in his haste.

"Though I don't suppose someone with such childish intellect is capable of understanding the complex exchange of chemicals present in adult situations, therefore eliminating the comprehension of the basic tie on the doorknob." The doctor spit all of this with increasing speed, the words rolling effortlessly off his tongue. He rose from his seat, his eyes alight with malice. "But if I ever catch you in here when I'm sharing a moment with Robecca, so help me I'll - "

The door slammed in his face. Agent Stone, fearing for his life, had run from the building, not wanting to wait around and face the doctor's wrath.

Was there even a tie on the doorknob to begin with? Agent Stone hadn't noticed, and he wasn't going back to check.

Dr. Robotnik sighed heavily and sank into his chair. These insipid little monkeys, their ignorance wearing on him, infuriating him with their presence.

"Robbeca," he crooned, leaning back and exhaling slowly. "Increase pressure and widen the area of field manipulation." He closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths as the tension released in his muscles. "Oh yeah," Robotnik moaned, abandoning his technical jargon for the briefest of moments. "Realistic simulation trumps actual human contact every time!"

He allowed the back of his head to rest against the plush leather surface, his pulse accelerating as the cold metal kneaded his hot flesh. A second groan dribbled past his lips, louder this time, his fingers digging into the armrest.

In a moment of lewd inspiration Dr. Robotnik unzipped his trousers, carefully positioning the robotic hand while pressing a series of buttons on his glove.

The glowing quill forgotten, Dr. Robotnik lounged in his seat, the fabric of his coat draped across his thighs as the metallic humming increased in volume.

His brain awash in a chemical soup of oxytocin and dopamine, the doctor moaned and writhed against the leather surface. He didn't need other people. Hell, he didn't even have to dirty his own hands. And why should he? He had technology, and technology was all he ever needed.

And yet technology sometimes backfired on the doctor. He was deep in the throes of passion when this knowledge made itself known, enlightening him with a burst of electricity as an unwanted series of commands rocketed through his keyboard gloves. This resulted in a horrendous scream tearing through his chest, alerting the agent in the field.

The doctor's shrill cry was still reverberating off the inside of his skull when agent Stone stopped outside the laboratory, one hand centimeters from the door. He questioned weather or not he should enter under these conditions. But the doctor's scream had not been one of pleasure, and if there had been an accident - perhaps a malfunction in the laboratory - then he must offer assistance.

Agent Stone burst into the room just as Dr. Robotnik flung his coat over his privates, effectively covering himself. This proved to be a very awkward situation indeed, both men staring at each other, unable to voice their concerns.

"Agent Stone," the doctor said sharply, forcing an expression of calm upon his aging features.

"Doctor Robotnik," Stone replied at length, his gaze drifting towards the doctor's waist.

The robot arm was now partially covered by Robotnik's coat, protruding from underneath the dark fabric with its fingers firmly grasping a certain part of the doctor's anatomy. It was quite a sight, one that might have been humorous had it been anyone other than Dr. Robotnik sitting there with his legs spread.

"I'm up here, agent Stone!" Robotnik said, snapping his fingers to draw attention to his face. "If you'll kindly remove your mind from the gutter, I'll explain the situation."

Agent Stone was silent, unsure of whether or not he wanted an explanation.

"As you can see there's been an equipment failure," Robotnik stated casually, acting as though this sort of thing happened all the time. "There has also been a wardrobe malfunction," he added, motioning towards the discarded pants that had been carelessly flung atop the monitor.

"Equipment failure?" Stone queried, choosing not to question why the doctor had removed his pants.

Dr. Robotnik rolled his eyes. "Have I not simplified it enough for you process what has occurred?"

"Actually, sir, it looks like you were playing with - "

"I know what it looks like!" Robotnik shouted, slamming his fist on the armrest. He took a deep breath, willing himself to remain calm. "If you must know, I overloaded the control mechanism with a series of commands while seized by a copulatory paroxysm. It was not intentional, however it has resulted in..."

His voice died in his throat. Even Dr. Robotnik didn't have words for this.

"So it's stuck?" Stone said, a faint grin tugging on the corner of his lips.

"Yes," the doctor replied.

"And it's still grabbing your junk?"

"Yes!" This time the doctor's tone was louder, more irritated.

"Have you tried turning it off then turning it back on again?"

Robotnik gave him a death glare. "I don't think it's that simple. And even if it were, don't you think I would have tried that by now?" He allowed his gaze to wander over the palm of his hand, examining the buttons on his glove. "Then again I don't foresee this ending in a pleasant manner. Not without some form of external manipulation and a generous supply of lubricant."

At the mention of "external manipulation" Stone promptly reached for the keyboard on his left, ignoring the doctor's sudden exclamation as he started pushing buttons.

A loud whirring sound filled the room, the mechanical hand gripping tighter and twisting sideways before releasing its hold on the doctor.

Robotnik gasped, doubling over with both hands holding his groin. For the first time in his life the doctor was utterly speechless, his mouth opening in wordless torment as Stone backed away from his boss.

"Agent Stone," Robotnik rasped, sounding slightly breathless. "If you're still here by the time I recover - "

The doctor's assistant ran faster than he had ever run in his entire life, not realizing that his actions would give rise to the rumors of a second speedy creature. However, it would be several years before this "black blur" was seen again, taking the shape of a shadowy lifeform as he raced across the earth with Sonic following close behind.


End file.
